This past Saturday evening, I started feeling a little bit of pain in my right shoulder. I wasn't sure if it was part of my RA or not so I ignored it. Sunday I woke up with the pain, but it was tolerable. However as the day progressed, so did the pain. I know it's my RA! I got really emotional and stressed out which doesn't make it any better but I couldn't help it. I'm so sick and tired of being sick! When I'm good, I'm GOOD. When my RA sneaks up on me, it comes with a vengeance! I hate RA and the fact it affects soooo many innocent people! I would never wish it upon anyone! I hope and pray that one day they find a cure for RA. I would hate to see anyone I love affected by this annoying disease.
Okay, so I know I sound like I'm complaining and probably none of this makes any sense to those of you reading this. I guess I just wanted to vent a little bit. I love my family, especially my husband for taking care of me. But in reality, I know none of them understand when I go through. My husband is my biggest supporter and I love him for always reading up on my condition as well as doing everything he possibly can to make me feel comfortable. I'm still flaring up from this past Saturday and it hurts. Both physically and emotionally. It's drained all of the energy out of me. My sister Val watched my Daughter today while Koli was at work. I've been in bed most of the day. How grateful I am to have a family who backs me up during these hard times.
I know because my condition is an "invisible" disease, people just automatically assume I'm okay. Because they can't see anything on my outward appearance that makes me look like I have a disease, they assume everything is okay and that I should just suck it up. I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me...really I'm not. I know there are people out there who judge me because I look perfectly okay. My only wish is that people would make more of an effort to understand rheumatoid arthritis. No one asks for this disease. It just happens to some of us. I don't and won't ever get mad at anyone who doesn't understand this condition I have. I just wish that those who know anyone with RA would study it more so they have an idea of what what those with this disease go or may go through.
Okay, so I know there are more serious diseases and conditions out there that people go through. I know there are people out there who go through a lot much more pain then I do. Again, I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't want you to feel sorry for me either. I just hope that by writing this blog entry, people will take the time to be more understanding of any condition anyone may have. Especially if you know or love someone who is going through any kind of medical condition.
I know for sure God doesn't give us anything we can't handle so I'll accept whatever he sends my way. If I live with RA for the wrest of my life or not, I know there is a reason I'm going through this. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and knows my pain. I put all of my trust in him and will not question him as to why I go through this. I know he will always be there for me. I apologize if I sound like I'm complaining. I'm not perfect and lose focus at times, but one thing I will never forget is my Heavenly Father's love for me!
